I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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