If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
