Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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