what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
