Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
