My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
