I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize