Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
