Betty ford says i'm here all night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
