Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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