You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
