just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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