Just cropdusted the office
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
