i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
