Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize