so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
