i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
