Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
