That's intense
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
