She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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