Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
