yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
