would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
