Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
