Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
