Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
