and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
