Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
