Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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