No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
