I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
