i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have aggressive nipples.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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