Pappa wants mamma naked
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
