Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
