literally had 100 drinks last night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
