she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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