Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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