God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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