my shit smells like andre
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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