She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
