tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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