There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
