Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need water and some morals
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
