Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
