Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I touched a dick in church today
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
