what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In America we eat man semen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
