First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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