We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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