There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
