You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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