Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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