No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize