he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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