its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just pee around me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
