my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
