what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize