just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
