i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
