Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
