nut hugger
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
