I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
