that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
