Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
