Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
