the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
