What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
