Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
