If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
