a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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