when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
