I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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