I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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