Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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