So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize