so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
