I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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