I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
