clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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