It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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