he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
