The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
