i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
