oh god the rape fog is back!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
